Inspired by @mackenzieo . Another mostly-finished Draft being shoved out of the nest and into the cruel world of where 20 people will read it. Alternate Title: "An Unsolicited Proposal For Mother Nature"
  1. Dearest Mother Nature,
  2. Greetings and salutations! I hope you and Father Time are doing well.
    While your husband and I are not seeing eye-to-eye currently, I shall take my issue(s) up with him at another time. Right now I'd like to talk to you.
  3. It is Spring now officially, and dare I say not a moment too soon! You're doing a lovely job with the buds and the rain and greening up of my special part of the world.
    This time of year never ceases to amaze me: the rebirth of a dormant ecosystem previously hunkered down to survive the winter. Birds chirping, flowers blooming, trees budding.... I guess I don't need to explain the best parts of Spring to you, I'll move on.
  4. Things have been a little.... dramatic.... lately between you and the humans.
    Definitely more "natural disasters" (I'm sure you don't call them that - probably something less negative... but I digress) happening. Lots of angst over your relationship with the Earth as it warms, and whose fault that is, what can be done to correct it, etc.
  5. I'm not saying you're doing anything wrong, but I will say people are starting to look at you a little more warily.
    It's a perception problem, and something I'd like to help you address.
  6. I have a proposal for you.
    Even though you didn't ask for it.
  7. Let's change the dates of our seasons in North America.
    I am looking at this from the perspective of a state that fully-realizes all four of the seasons - but this proposal works for all climates.
  8. Here are the specifics of what I propose:
  9. Winter: December 14 through February 13
    This gives plenty of time for snow, specifically including Christmas/New Years, but allows the start of Spring to coincide with Valentine's Day. Two months is plenty, any outcry over shortening this least-popular season would be shouted down by those praising the extension of Summer/Fall.
  10. Spring: February 14 - April 22
    Coming out of Winter, the thawing and greening and rejuvenation and joy can begin with Valentine's Day and conclude on Earth Day. Two months should be plenty of time to get in the raining and warming and blooming and whatnot, right?
  11. Summer: April 23 - September 5ish
    Let's maximize everyone's favorite season to get started in late April and go through the day after Labor Day. Who's going to say no to more warm weather, more sunshine, more cookouts, more water sports, etc? This is a good PR move, trust me.
  12. Fall: September 6ish - December 13
    The second-best season gets an extension as well, extending beyond Thanksgiving and hopefully limiting weather-induced travel issues during that heavily-traveled holiday. People love Fall, and easing into Winter with a longer Fall is a win-win.
  13. As you can see, I've put some thought into this.
    Sure, it benefits me - but it also benefits the rest of North America and you, as well. Please take some time to review and provide feedback, if any; I'm open to revisions if you are amenable to the overall concept.
  14. Thank you for your time and consideration, and I hope to hear from you soon.
  15. Sincerely,
    - Brett 7