I Continue To Be Sorry

That's right, Bennett Brauer, here with a commentary. Not quite what you're used to, perhaps. Not a tidy picture, is it? Because in today's souped-up society, apparently John Q. Viewer is only comfortable getting his opinions from a Ken doll.
  1. Maybe I'm not a "G.Q. model" or a "hunk."
    Maybe I'm not "handsome" or even "presentable." I'm not "pleasing to the eye."
  2. Maybe I don't "understand Pokemon" or "know what the app is."
    I don't "walk around looking at a screen" and "chase cartoon characters from Japan."
  3. Maybe I'm not "witty." I have no "charm" or "appeal."
    I'm not "smart" or even "the average."
  4. I don't "pee in the potty."
    I'm not "clean." I don't "smell good."
  5. I'm not "polished" or "prepared." I have nothing "interesting to say."
    I guess I don't "play the game."
  6. When I eat I don't "use silverware" or "wipe my face."
    After sex I don't "wash afterwards" or even "the next day."
  7. So I guess I just don't "fit the mold", and if that 's the case, I'll just step back and I'm sure John and Jane Doe can go back to enjoying the endless parade of commentators who don't "make people queasy."