Ranking the Toes on My Right Foot

Because my left foot is unworthy of ranking. No pictures, lest they be confused as Dick pics (that dog don't hunt on List App)
  1. 1.
    Second Toe
    You know, the one next to the big toe - pointer finger if this was a hand or if I was an ape. Longest, most symmetrical, thinnest, and the source of my otherwordly dad speed.
  2. 2.
    Fourth toe
    The ring toe? Is that what it's called? I call it Ricky Bobby - if you ain't first, you're last. You can do it Fourth toe, next ranking!!!
  3. 3.
    Middle toe
    Someone had to come in third.
  4. 4.
    Big toe
    The biggest, ugliest toe. And that nail - disgusting. And there's like 3 hairs at the knuckle, WTF is that?!? You're why we can't wear flip-flops in public.
  5. 5.
    Pinky
    How many times are you going to get stubbed/snagged/jammed before you get it together? It's bad enough you're always going "wee wee wee" all the way home like a weirdo. The pain you've caused me through the years....