WAYS YOU TREAT YOUR WIFE LIKE YOUR DOG

We love them both with all our heart, with good reason. They're basically the same.
  1. You talk in a different voice around them.
    Who's a good wife?? You're a good wife!
  2. You give them rubs.
    Usually on the back or rear end
  3. You whistle at them.
  4. You raise your voice when disappointed.
  5. You don't understand their fashion.
    And never try.
  6. You get annoyed when they yap too much.
  7. You constantly affirm them so they'll like you.
  8. You comfort them when they're scared even though you're secretly annoyed.
  9. You take them out to show them off.
  10. You get jealous if they give other guys attention.
    Stop scratching my wife's ears, Doug!
  11. You hold their bags for them.
  12. You get upset when you find their hair in random places.
    Basically you can never wear black
  13. You spend way too much money on them.
  14. You have to get them both a license to keep them.