CLIVE: THE MAN, THE MYTH, THE MAYO
A detailing of the main character in a story never written
- •Physical appearance: thin, weathered, tall, has a very patchy beard and wears wranglers with ostrich bootsThink strung out Billy-Bob Thorton meets that old man that is driving in front of you on the highway at 37 mph
- •Clive is a llama showman.His storied past of triumph and defeat in the ring only pales to the saga of his personal life
- •Mayonnaise is consumed daily for Clive. With each meal.It is his essence
- •Clive huffs old bags of change.More for comfort than anything else
- •Tampica, his prized black llama, reigns supremeHis obsession with her has driven away multiple women, as she always rides shotgun and sleeps in the room
- •Clive listens to a Walkman of cricket ring tones
- •His young assistant, Ty, is quiet... Maybe too quietWhat's his deal?
- •He is an avid reader of romance novelsThey are the only books that line the built-in bookshelf in the house he inherited from his grandmother. Fabio covers 90% of them.
- •Often finds himself allowing the llamas to lick mayo from his nipplesFor this reason, as well as many others, Clive lives on a remote farm
- •Kicked off several alpaca websites for his comments being too sexualThe llama websites are more permissive. Though his BDSM is exclusively directed at alpacas
- •The plumbing in Clive's 1875 home is brand newThe old plumbing was replaced after Clive tried to bath in mayo.
- •Tampica has never won in competition.She is both his first love, and a symbol of his own short comings