THE BEST G-RATED JOKES

  1. What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday? aye 'maighty
  2. What is E.T short for ? He has really small legs
  3. What is Beethoven's favorite fruit? BananaNAAA
  4. A Spanish magician says that he'll disappear on the count of three. "Uno... dos..." POOF! He disappeared without a tres.
  5. What's orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot.
  6. What is the difference between a cat and a comma? Cats have claws at the end of their paws, and a comma is a pause at the end of a clause.
  7. What do you call a sleepwalking nun? A roamin' catholic
  8. Two atoms are walking down the street together. The first atom turns and says, "Hey, you just stole an electron from me!" "Are you sure?" asks the second atom. To which the first atom replies, "Yeah, I'm positive!"
  9. A blind guy walks into a store and starts swinging his seeing eye dog around his head. An employee comes over and nervously asks if he can help. The blind guy replies "No thanks. I'm just looking around."
  10. The Pope arrives early for a flight. He has some time, so he asks his driver if he could drive around for a while because he hasn't driven a car since becoming the pope. Naturally he's a bit rusty so he's driving poorly when suddenly he sees police lights behind him. The Pope pulls over and when the officer comes up to the window his eyes go wide.
    He says to the pope "Hold on for a minute" and he goes back to his car to radio the Chief. Officer: "Chief we have a situation. I've pulled over an important figure." Chief: "How important? A governor or something?" Officer: "No sir. He's bigger." Chief: "So, what? a celebrity or something?" Officer: "More important, sir." Chief: A major politician?" Officer: "No sir, he's much more important." Chief: "WELL WHO IS IT!?" Officer: "Well actually I'm not sure. But the Pope is his driver!"