LIVE-LIST: HALLMARK'S ICE SCULPTURE CHRISTMAS

  1. We open on a Christmas tree being sculpted out of ice lest we forget that this movie is about both ice sculptures AND Christmas.
  2. A little girl walks into some sort of hotel lobby full of people making ice sculptures. Look! The Christmas tree! Her mom tells her dad that everything looks beautiful. He says it's easy when you're inspired. *Cue Awwwww* Does he own this maybe-a-hotel? Time and exposition will tell.
  3. The girl picks up a discarded piece of ice sculpted into an angel and some ice sculpting dude gives her a tool to keep sculpting it with. This seems safe.
  4. A little boy comes to talk to her. She tells him (us) her dad says his dad is the king of Wall Street. That makes him the PRINCE! He has never thought of that because he is rich and extremely symmetrical for a 10 year old, but also Humble.
  5. She tells him (us) that she wants to be a chef when she grows up. He says "a cook"? She says "no, a chef is an artist with food and makes ICE SCULPTURES." His dad comes over and her dad calls him sir. Looks like he is NOT the owner of this maybe-a-hotel. The boys dad leaves and calls him over. Boy says see you later at the fancy dinner!
  6. TWIST: She will NOT see him later because the dinner is for "club members only."
    So this is a club.
  7. Flash forward: Because reasons, the little girl (who just set up a snow man ice sculpture in the front yard because remember this movie is about ICE SCULPTURES) now about to start her first day as a dishwasher in the kitchen of the Club, but also she has apparently attended three years of culinary school.
  8. Somehow this is still very exciting and not at all depressing for her because she gets to work "near" an "actual Top Chef!"
    She could teach lessons in avoiding the quarter life crisis.
  9. Also it appears her mom has died.
    But she Loved Christmas.
  10. She gets to the kitchen mid-staff meeting and gets a lecture from bad bitch Chef Gloria about why dishwashers are The Most Important people in a kitchen so Don't Fuck It Up Okay Callie?
    Her name is Callie apparently.
  11. Chef Gloria has won the ice sculpting contest three years in a row.
  12. A sous chef has quit. CG nominates Callie to lead the ice sculpting demo for the Ladies' Luncheon that missing sous chef was supposed to lead.
  13. Because reasons, Callie is dragging a block of ice backwards and bumps into this guy, whose cell phone is knocked into a fountain.
  14. She reacts like a normal person by getting very close to his face, smiling meaningfully, fishing the phone out of the fountain, and running away with it as she flirtatiously says "come on!" and leaves her new dishwashing buddy with a hunk of ice on wheels that apparently requires two people to move it.
  15. Ahhhhh bag of rice trick.
  16. "Who ARE you?" He says, in wonder.
  17. "The new dishwasher! Bye David!"
  18. He looks confused but then a voice from off camera yells "come on, Callie!" Recognition dawns on David. "Callie!"
    Callie is no Stella.
  19. David goes to an unspecified business lunch. He Looks Back Over His Shoulder toward the kitchen. The Token Woman at this lunch Notices.
  20. Callie is teaching the ice sculpting class and is making and Ice Sculpture Christmas Tree lest we forget the themes of this movie.
    She is also telling a story about how "poor Chinese fisherman" used to make ice lanterns.
  21. In front of the club, David's dad gives David a deadline of "end of next week" to accomplish Unspecified Business Action, then slides into a black car and is driven away. Token Woman asks David why he was "in a fog all through lunch."
  22. David walks sexily up behind the ladies watching Callie finish her ice sculpture and yells "Callie Shaw! The kitchen's running low on ice! Are you almost done with that?" Callie smiles like this is neither rude nor at all unexpected. The ladies laugh like this is adorable.
  23. They do a walk and talk so we can learn that he has "never looked at a piece of ice the same way" and also went to Princeton and got a business degree but he is not the villain because he is still Humble. ("It's handy to impress people with at parties.")
  24. David wants her to enter the ice sculpture contest because he's seen her Ice Sculpture Christmas (tree) and thinks she "has some serious chops no pun intended." She thinks that's Chef Gloria's turf and she should "lay low, new girl style."
  25. She leaves and he looks meaningfully at his phone-in-its-bag-of-rice.
  26. Callie makes dinner for her dad, who is sad, because his wife is dead. Callie's dad is the only person in this movie so far with normal human emotional reactions. Callie's dad also promised his wife that some day he'd make something called "Anna's Angels" happen. Want to bet on the setting of the movie's climactic scene?
  27. The next day at work, every is giving Callie dirty looks. Dishwasher friend informs her it's because she signed up against Big Bad CG in the ice sculpture contest. She storms off to what appears to be the men's locker room where David has half his cobalt button down unbuttoned to yell at him for having signed her up.
  28. How did she know he'd be there?
  29. He is utterly unsurprised to see her and thanks her for fixing his phone.
  30. She yells at him about signing her up but is mollified because he says he didn't know her boss was her competition. She accepts the apology.
  31. Fact checks says....He DID know. She told him three scenes ago.
  32. Regardless, they are now adorably teaming up to help "get her out of this."
    Which apparently requires more than dropping out.
  33. Ohhhh CG won't LET her drop out because the names were submitted to the committee and having a kitchen staffer drop out could make CG look bad.
  34. David is extra sorry. Callie says he "doesn't operate in the Real World."
  35. He sets her straight because no one got honors at Princeton FOR HIM and he had THREE job offers when he graduated but chose to work with his dad. (Unclear what the point of that second statement is? Clearly he did not take rhetoric at P-town)
  36. Guys it's a TEAM ice sculpting competition and David is now on Callie's TEAM.
  37. Training Montage: Callie tells David that ice sculpting is about removing the excess to see what's inside, which I'm pretty sure is something Michelangelo said once. Ice sculpting is Serious Art.
  38. Callie is literally always smiling.
    Hand carving a giant block of ice? Smiling. Doofy David breaks his handsaw because he did the opposite of the thing she told him to do? Smiling. David cracks the ice sculpture down the middle? "Whoa!" *smiles*
  39. They break for coffee. David asks about the Anna's Angels drawing on the wall. Sad backstory detour with a dash of "my dead mom is why I love cooking" and a sprinkle of "she wanted to start a charity that gives people produce."
  40. Chef Gloria and Callie's dad talk some smack about Callie's chances in the ice sculpture contest. They make a bet. Regardless of who wins, CG is going to make Callie's dad "dinner with all the fixings." JK, he will make HER dinner if he loses.
    Sizzle! 🍳
  41. David brings Callie a new saw, which he special ordered over night from Japan because $$$
  42. But they run into CG and David talks some smack. Callie storms off because he does not understand that she is trying to start a career and they just come from such different worlds!
  43. David comes by Callie's ice sculpture garage to eat some crow. He believes in Callie! But they are "from such different worlds"! But they "both want to win"! Ok. She makes him promise not to be charming because this. is. serious.
  44. "Getting ice to bond is critical."
    Metaphor alert!
  45. Callie wants to sign them up for a local starter competition on Friday. David briefly hesitates. If you recall, he has Unspecified Business Actions with a Friday deadline.
  46. Callie got called in to work. David offers to clean up. Callie will tell her dad David is still there. David goes into the kitchen where Callie's dad is and explains this again. Callie's dad says "Yeah I know. Callie told me." Callie told us, too, Callie's dad.
  47. Callie's dad and David have a heart to heart/business chat about Anna's Angels. David reiterates that this is "such a great idea." And he has a Degree in Business from Princeton.
  48. David is allowed to take Callie's dad's business plan home to look it over again on one condition: "Call me Frank."
  49. Callie's dishwashing friend tells her that CG's right hand lady squeezed out the sous chef who'd quit suddenly, leaving that ice sculpture class available for Callie to teach. He thinks that Right Hand Lady is now out for Callie's blood. Characteristically, she smiles happily at this terrible news.
  50. Cut to David reading a book on ice sculptures called Ice Sculptures.
  51. Token Woman is exasperated because David has not been suitably focused on The Bradford Deal. He says he made a promise to a friend and it's important. She says what about your dad?
    Also what about your job?
  52. Right hand lady finds Callie in the kitchen and tries to undermine her cheer by pointing out that bring a dishwasher sucks when you went to three years of culinary school and want to be a chef. Callie remains unfazed.
  53. Callie and David arrive at their practice competition. They kindly mock the team in matching sweaters and the team doing jumping jacks. They are intimidated by one ice sculptor's drawing of a gingerbread house with furniture. The furniture is "to scale."
  54. Cut to David's father asking Token Woman why David is neither at work not answering his phone because he'd like to go over the Bradford Proposal.
  55. Cut back to ice sculptures because no one cares.
  56. Everyone is sculpting very seriously. Including Callie.
  57. David is bored because Callie won't let him sculpt. She sends him for coffee. He points out that they're falling behind. Just look at the gingerbread house! She lets him sculpt a candy cane. Smiles are back!
  58. They break the arm off their gingerbread man sculpture while high fiving. Gingerbread house is objectively better. They cheerfully lose.
  59. Also there is a running motif of trying to bond one piece of ice to another but failing and having the second piece crash to the ground. First the nose of the practice snowman and now the candy cane that the gingerbread man was supposed to be holding (which David sculpted).
    Guys I think I see where this is going!
  60. But I have to take a break for lunch with grandma!
  61. Edit: JK, but I think we can all tell where this was going...
  62. The ending was a little abrupt.
    Kind of like the ending of this list.