WOMEN WHO SHOULD BE THE SUBJECTS OF OSCAR-BAIT BIOPICS AND THE ACTRESSES WHO SHOULD PLAY THEM

  1. Ada, Countess of Lovelace (Carey Mulligan)
    Wrote the world's first computer program. Tried to start a gambling syndicate. Only legitimate daughter of Lord Byron, who abandoned her and her mother when she was 1 month old. Buried, at her request, next to Lord Byron. Several rumored affairs and, clearly, significant family drama.
  2. Ching Shih (Zhang Ziyi)
    Ching Shih was a prostitute who was kidnapped by pirates, married the captain (a member of a dynasty of infamous sea thieves), became his partner, and, when he was killed in a typhoon, maneuvered her way into the captain's chair. At the height of her power, she commanded 1,600 ships. She eventually cut a deal with the Chinese Emperor, giving up her pirate trade in exchange for amnesty and a noble title. She ran a lucrative network of brothels until her death at 69.
  3. Mae West (Amy Schumer)
    Playwright, actress, comedian. Her first starring role on Broadway was in a 1926 play called Sex. She wrote it, and was prosecuted, convicted, and briefly imprisoned for "corrupting the morals of youth." She went on to have a successful film career, starring in her first movie at age 40. She was funny as f*ck.
  4. Aphra Behn (Laura Carmichael)
    A spy for Britain in Antwerp during the Second Anglo-Dutch War and a playwright, poet, and novelist who was the first English woman to make a living as a writer. Hung with the Libertines. All-around badass.
  5. Agent 355 (Natalie Dormer)
    A female member of the American Revolution's Culper Ring of spies. Mysterious, but thought to have been a member of a prominent British Loyalist family. Possible romance with one of the spy ring leaders. Definitely a badass. Actually, this might be better as a TV series on Showtime.
  6. Mama Cass Elliot (Aidy Bryant)
    They are both brilliant in ensembles and on their own, inspiring and making people happy (or me at least) with just a smile and words. I'd love to see Aidy branch out beyond her usual hilarity while simultaneously showing us some of the joy Elliot brought to people during her tragically short life and continues to bring through her music.
    Suggested by   @theranman
  7. Hedy Lamarr (Felicity Jones)
    Austrian actress who starred in the first movie to feature a sex scene and to depict the female orgasm. Married to a scummy, half-Jewish Nazi collaborator who threw parties for Hitler and Mussolini. Escaped husband and country by dressing as her maid. Immediately became top Hollywood star. Got bored being typecast as "exotic" sexpots so she became an inventor, helping win WW2 by inventing a jam proof torpedo guidance system, which later became the basis for wireless internet. Holy fuck, right?
    Suggested by   @jakebrandman
  8. Mary Dyer (Emily Mortimer)
    Took Anne Hutchinson's hand when she was excommunicated and walked with her out of church. Later was first woman hung in the colonies. She became a Quaker and just wanted Boston to repeal unjust law banning all Quakers. She stood on the scaffold with the noose around her neck twice. The first time they let her go upon pain of death if she returned. She returned.
    Suggested by   @jannychan
  9. Dorothy Parker (Rooney Mara & Anjelica Huston do a Love & Mercy thing)
    Famous poet & wit. Founding member of the Algonquin Round Table. Would be a great opportunity for a Midnight in Paris-esque hey-look-it's-that-guy-from-the-twenties movie.
    Suggested by   @jenna