This is weirdly dark, but my klutziness does feel worthy.
  1. Falling out of a shopping cart, age 1
    Actually did this twice. I'm the oldest, if that tells you anything. Experimental kids unite!
  2. Falling down the basement stairs, age 2
    It's really a miracle I reached adulthood.
  3. Falling off my bunk bed, age 5
    The bed had a rail on it. My parents didn't know whether to be impressed or horrified.
  4. Falling while roller skating, age 11
    Most of these involve falling. Sprained my wrist and was fairly dramatic about it.
  5. Crashing into a wooden dollhouse in my living room while performing a dance routine set to Smashmouth's All Star, age 12
    In my defense, it was the early 2000s. I knocked one of the eaves off and managed to impale my foot on it. This one was more horrifying than it was impressive.
  6. Literally just walking in my garage, age 16
    Broke my toe on a railing that I somehow forgot existed?
  7. Getting *lightly* hit by a car while biking, age 20
    Sliced my hand up, but gave the driver the thumbs up afterward, I think to let her know I was mostly o.k.? Proof I'm capable of awkwardness in any situation.
  8. Falling off a bar stool while hanging Christmas decorations, age 24
    Now my hip hurts when it's going to rain, which is I'm sure what guys look for in a 26- year-old woman.