WHY DOGS ARE BETTER THAN CATS

I HAVEN'T BEEN ON LIST APP IN A WHILE BUT I REFUSE TO STOP MAKING MY TITLES IN CAPS. HAVE YOU HEARD DOGS TALK? WE TALK IN CAPITALS.
  1. We guard you from everyone
    The mailman, the tree trimmers, the pizza guy, the crying baby downstairs, the doorbell on the TV, EVERYONE
  2. We snuggle
    Because all dogs are lapdogs, even the 60 pound ones like me
  3. We're happy to see you when you come home
    And we're so anxious for that moment that we try to speed it up by escaping and getting to you first
  4. (Continued)
  5. We are vacuums
    Gonna drop that? How about that? Don't worry I'll wait right here for any little crumb you drop
  6. We are great at exercise
    Get your chubby booty off the couch! We're going on a walk! And hiking! And maybe the beach! And the dog park! LET'S SNIFF BUTTS TOGETHER, I CAN TEACH YOU HOW, HUMAN
  7. We are social
    So don't worry, when you have a party I will jump the baby gate and join in with y'all
  8. We have more variety
    Have you ever seen a dachshund? Or a samoyed? Or a Dalmatian? Or a Chinese-created dog? Or one of those mops with legs? They're all my cousins! So crazy!
  9. We ❤️ you
    (but I guess SOME kitties can pull off that one too)