WHY MY LIFE IS HARD

So many people think my life is easy, because I'm a dog, but that's a LIE.
  1. My humans leave me alone for hours at a time.
    They call it "going to work" but every time I'm in the car with them, we end up at the park or beach, so I'll bet that's what they do EVERY DAY
  2. My humans don't give me constant attention.
    Mom was trying to take pictures of FLOWERS instead of me. WTF
  3. My humans don't share their food.
    I smell that pizza. Don't you dare tell me kibble is a better deal than pizza
  4. Cats snarl at me.
    I just want to be friends!
  5. The big brown stripey cat that lives in the dumpster snarls at me.
    I just want to be friends!! Mom says "raccoons are vicious" but I don't know what that means
  6. My humans won't let me even try to befriend the big black one-striped cat that sometimes pops out of the bushes by the back gate.
    I JUST WANT TO BE FRIENDS!!! Mom says "there aren't enough tomatoes in the world to clean you off after a skunk attack" but I also don't know what that means
  7. My humans mess up my poop messages every time I drop them.
    Stop bagging up my crap! That was a response for Joey!
  8. I have to sleep on the FLOOR
    How rude
  9. But yeah, sleeping for the majority of the day is awesome.
    Floor or not, I'll fess up to that one.