My Most Embarrassing Moments
All under age 20... Either I was more sensitive back then (probably true), or alcohol erased my most embarrassing adult moments. (Also probably true. Thanks, blackouts!)
- •Age 10: The White Cloth Swim CapI bought a white Lycra Speedo swim cap for summer league swim team. Coach Peter (on whom I had a crush, really looked up to and who was probably just a teenager himself) told me it looked like wet underwear on my head.
- •Age 11: 1st day of Jr High, 1st day Wearing MakeupOn which I had no guidance or prep from my mother, did the best I could, and was promptly told by my best friend at the bus stop that morning that I looked like a clown.
- •Age 12: Molecular MisunderstandingOur 7th grade science teacher asked several of us to stand up and "behave" like the thing she called out. She said, "Water!" No one moved. Thinking I understood, I started contorting and flailing about like a car dealership 'air dancer'. The class exploded in laughter. Apparently she wanted each person to be a molecule and either get closer together or spread out from each other to emulate water. I was just 'being' water. Whatever. Like anyone else had the answer.
- •Age 13: Second Cousin Band Banquet Dance Contest FlashingMy second cousin invited me to his HS band banquet. I was just in Jr high, so this was big. There was a dance contest, and since we had been to all the same Catholic weddings growing up, we had it locked. Two-step, waltz, Schottische, polka... and we won! (A $30 gift certificate to Chili's, no less.) Only after our moment of glory, some of the HS girls came up to tell me that b/c my dress flared out on turns, everyone could see my control top panty hose & underwear.
- •Age 14: First Kiss Ev-ah!Got invited to the birthday party of one of the "cool skater kids" that I desperately wanted to be in with (and mom naturally disapproved of). I was a pretty shy kid, so this was social gold - and that party delivered! Didn't take too long before Spin the Bottle ensued and my spin landed on Super Cute Rick for a "tongue kiss". It was going really well... Until we disconnected and he announced to the party, "She bit me."
- •Age 17: Ate TurfMy HS cheer squad cheered at a Houston Oilers home game at the Astrodome in their last season. (Showing my age much?) Toward the end of the game a group 'stunt' was suggested that I didn't want to try for the 1st time in front of 1000s. I protested but peer pressure won... And moments later I was face-down on the AstroTurf. The facial turf burns lingered for weeks.
- •Age 20: The Two-Shoulder ShitWalked around for half a day in college with pigeon crap on both shoulders and a little in my hair. Asshole bird got me twice in one pass. Didn't realize it until halfway thru my shift at the sorority gift shop.