From my forthcoming book, Die Laughing: Killer Jokes for Newly Old Folks, which will be published in October.
  1. Joke #1
    Doctor, my husband thinks he's a goat. How long has this been going on? Ever since he was a kid.
  2. Joke #2
    Doctor, I keep seeing spots in front of my eyes. Have you seen an ophthamologist? No. Just spots.
  3. Joke #3
    Doctor, I swallowed a chicken bone. Are you choking? No, I'm serious!
  4. Joke #4
    Doctor, you look puzzled. I can't figure out exactly what's wrong with you. But I think it's the result of all the drinking. Okay, I'll come back when you're sober.
  5. Joke #5
    Doctor, what do you think? I'm afraid it looks serious. What do you mean? We may have to drain your bank account.
  6. Joke #6
    Doctor, I think I'm shrinking. Well, you'll just have to be a little patient.
  7. Joke #7
    Doctor, those pills you gave me haven't helped at all. You mean the suppositories? Yeah, whatever the hell they're called. Have you been taking them orally? What do you think, I've been shoving them up my ass?