Friday night as a parent
Right away you know this is going to be better than Friday's before kids.
- •Cooking meals no one likesTonight's debacle was pizza. Crust, sauce, and cheese. Clearly it was an attempt to starve my children.
- •Closing the same kitchen cabinet door a million times per dayCan't imagine why you are hungry and in search of snacks. So confused.
- •Telling a child that CLEARLY needs to go to the bathroom to go to the bathroom.No, I know you don't have to go and no, I can't hear you not peeing.
- •Putting kids to bed and starting a list. 30 minutes later you are on the 4th item.Bed time isn't so much a point in time as it is a transitional process away from your sobriety to the worst drinking game known to mankind. Take a drink every time a child asks for a drink of water. A shot if they need to tinkle. Beer bong if they need a hug.
- •I'd write more, but there's a margarita calling my name. Child #1 is getting a drink of water.