QUOTES FROM ACTUAL NEWS STORIES

I read these in actual news stories. If they were written about me I'd be horrified.
  1. "... while she could not afford the cockatoo's price tag, she did have children to trade..."
  2. " ... after police said he was arrested for performing a sex act with a car wash vacuum ..."
  3. " ... arrested after police said he used counterfeit money to purchase fake oxycontin pills from an undercover officer ..."
  4. " ... accused of filing 21 fake injury claims for the same broken tooth ... "
  5. " ... arrested after a fight broke out during a concert held to promote nonviolence ... "
  6. " ... A dispute over bowling etiquette led one ... to assault another with a 16-pound ball ... "