THINGS PEOPLE SAY THAT DISTRACT ME FROM LISTENING TO THEM

Sometimes people say things that cause my mind to go down some rabbit hole while they continue to talk. But I'm not listening. I'm thinking about something they've already said.
  1. I trust you (or him or her) implicitly.
    Everybody says this. I know what they're trying to convey. But "implicitly" means "unspoken," right? If trust is implied, why do we have to say it? And if we have to say it, how can it be implicit? We should say "I trust you (or him or her) explicitly." But nobody says that. So while they go on talking, I'm wondering whether they really trust me (or him or her).
  2. Whenever people say "whenever" when they mean "when."
    As in, "Hey, did you pick up some shampoo whenever you want to the store?" Distracts me *every time* it happens, which is why I started this list item with the word "whenever" instead of "when." When people use "whenever" in this way, I'm thinking, "Yes. Every time I went to the store I bought shampoo. Now I don't know where I'm going to store it all."
  3. Cowoberate (or maybe it's cooberate, but I never see it in writing because it's not really a word so spell-check will catch it).
    This is something that I hear a lot when discussing evidence with clients. What they mean is "corroborate," and I just keep asking myself why my client is talking like Elmer Fudd. Dude is asking me a serious question, and all I'm thinking about is "wabbit season."
  4. I (or he or she) was being ironic.
    Sometimes people use the word irony when they mean sarcasm. I am grudgingly coming around to the idea that there may be some definitional overlap, but I do not think the terms are interchangeable. Since I'm no longer listening to the story (because I'm trying to figure out what the person means), I often miss the sarcasm, which is ironic.
  5. And a hundred other things
    I'm easily distracted.