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  1. Baseball mascot.
  2. Wet nurse.
  3. Guy who paints addresses on curbs of houses for $20.
3 more...
  1. Drop your phone in it.
  2. Call people and try not to move so they don't hear the water and ask "Are you in the bathtub?"
  3. If you haven't dropped your phone, snapchat the Viking face which covers up that you are naked.
3 more...
  1. You're not comfortable with anything That has happened in the world since 1991.
  2. The nostalgic value. You miss those years when life was simpler and we had no wifi.
  3. As a kid you wanted to actually live in the house but couldn't because: (a) It wasn't real and (b) they was no room. It was a full house. Titling wizardry.
7 more...
  1. Pretend it's not closing January 3rd cause I love it so much.
  2. Hang out with dear friends who come to New York just to see me in the play.
  3. Browse through the swanky stores on 5th Avenue and appreciate being single this Christmas season.
4 more...
  1. Drawing Homer Simpsons's face on it with a sharpie.
  2. Use it as a metronome at a piano recital.
  3. Scotch tape bacon to it and call your Great Dane into the room.
2 more...
  1. Ice skating in Central Park
  2. Museum of Modern Art
  3. Stroll on the High Line
  4. See "Hand to God" on Broadway
  1. Don't plan an early breakfast with a relative from out of town that you never liked.
  2. Don't creep through old exes' Facebook accounts.
  3. Try not to come up with interesting lists at four in the morning.
  4. Untie the string around your penis, you won't forget to pee when you get up.
  1. Over the phone.
  2. Over a text.
  3. On Twitter.
  4. During Shabbat dinner at her parent's house.
  1. Are people shocked when see your comedy and realize you're not Danny Tanner?
  2. Are you a neat freak at home?
  3. Do you ever see any of the people from Full House?
  4. Would you take your finger out of my butt?
  1. Your place or my car?
  2. You remind me of my sister.
  3. Would you like a skinny margarita?
  4. I can turn on my jacuzzi from my phone.