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- •Baseball mascot.
- •Wet nurse.
- •Guy who paints addresses on curbs of houses for $20.
- •Drop your phone in it.
- •Call people and try not to move so they don't hear the water and ask "Are you in the bathtub?"
- •If you haven't dropped your phone, snapchat the Viking face which covers up that you are naked.
- •You're not comfortable with anything That has happened in the world since 1991.
- •The nostalgic value. You miss those years when life was simpler and we had no wifi.
- •As a kid you wanted to actually live in the house but couldn't because: (a) It wasn't real and (b) they was no room. It was a full house. Titling wizardry.
- •Pretend it's not closing January 3rd cause I love it so much.
- •Hang out with dear friends who come to New York just to see me in the play.
- •Browse through the swanky stores on 5th Avenue and appreciate being single this Christmas season.
- •Drawing Homer Simpsons's face on it with a sharpie.
- •Use it as a metronome at a piano recital.
- •Scotch tape bacon to it and call your Great Dane into the room.
- •Ice skating in Central Park
- •Museum of Modern Art
- •Stroll on the High Line
- •See "Hand to God" on Broadway
- •Don't plan an early breakfast with a relative from out of town that you never liked.
- •Don't creep through old exes' Facebook accounts.
- •Try not to come up with interesting lists at four in the morning.
- •Untie the string around your penis, you won't forget to pee when you get up.
- •Over the phone.
- •Over a text.
- •On Twitter.
- •During Shabbat dinner at her parent's house.
- •Are people shocked when see your comedy and realize you're not Danny Tanner?
- •Are you a neat freak at home?
- •Do you ever see any of the people from Full House?
- •Would you take your finger out of my butt?
- •Your place or my car?
- •You remind me of my sister.
- •Would you like a skinny margarita?
- •I can turn on my jacuzzi from my phone.