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You wake up tomorrow and you are the opposite gender, what name do you go by, and what do you do first?
  1. β€’
    I strangely want to be named Ronald. (Not McDonald though. I feel like all non-McDonald Ronalds have a ton of testosterone and I'd be a beast.)
    First thing I do, take off my pants and send all my friends an anonymous dick pic. πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚
  2. β€’
    What about you?
  3. β€’
    So if I was a boy my name would have been Jimmy. I probably would stick with that but maybe go by JAMES or Jim.
    First thing I'd do? Call everyone and talk to see if my voice is as deep and low as the other males in my family.
    Suggested by Β  @e
21 more...
  1. 1.
    Trying something new or scary.
  2. 2.
    Finishing chapters of the book(s) I'm writing.
  3. 3.
    Editing my pilot script until it's good enough to submit.
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Judging by their social media accounts and general bragging.
  1. 1.
    Get engaged to a black Christian male who they approve of that asked for Dad's permission before an over-the-top proposal.
    Dubai on New Years Eve. Hashtag proud
  2. 2.
    Get married to that person in an over-the-top ceremony that makes it look like your child is wealthy or marrying well.
    Dad must walk you down the aisle, your dress must be white, and you can not eat the full year before your wedding. Hashtag proud.
  3. 3.
    Have a child more than 9 months after the lavish wedding so they can stick their nose up at other people who raised children that were *gasp* pregnant at their wedding.
    This baby should be born 10-11 months after the honeymoon, ideally. Oh, and the baby must be born without an epidural or C-section if there is no emergency. Hashtag so proud.
1 more...
  1. β€’
    He saw my cute tote bag and said, "Now see, that's your problem."
    Boy bye.
  2. β€’
    He is a mouth kisser and I am not. So I give him a cheek kiss and run.
  3. β€’
    He drinks all the sugary drinks and I end up wanting fruit punch and stuff due to peer pressure.
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Alternate Title: I will always have gum
  1. β€’
    Brother in Law texted me and mom "go ahead and head to the hospital. Third floor."
  2. β€’
    Dude! That was way too chill!
  3. β€’
    To be updated...
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She's staying with me for a week. It's almost over.
  1. β€’
    She talks during shows, and is quiet during commercials. I think she is trying to bond or something, but we have been homies for 31 years. I'm all set.
    See, we were bonded when I was 29.
  2. β€’
    She puts my dishes on the wrong side of the sink.
    She keeps washing dishes, so I can't actually be mad about this.
  3. β€’
    She sits down for every meal or snack and thinks I should too.
    I grab a handful of whatever on my way out the wherever and call it a meal.
8 more...
This list had more to it, but no drafts and crashing lists make it really hard to write and have images. 😑
This list would have more but the lack of drafts is messing with mind.
  1. β€’
    Paperclip/Safety Pin/Bobby Pin
    I always ask for a paper clip when I realize my button down has a gap that I need to close (thanks boobs!). I ask for a safety pin when my hair is in my face. I need a bobby pin for all those papers that I just printed! D'oh
  2. β€’
    Hashbrown/Hushpuppy
    Long John Silvers puts hashbrowns in their chicken basket. I like to dip it in shrimp sauce.
  3. β€’
    Tampon/Condom
    I never say the word tampon out loud because 80% of the time I will blurt out CONDOM. "I need to go to Walgreens because I'm low on condoms. Errr! I mean! Tampons." I guess they are both in the same zipper portion of my purse, so there's that. Super proud of myself for finding that photo. πŸ˜‚
  1. β€’
    Two sneaky little millennials got together and hatched a plan to send me a birthday card.
  2. β€’
    I had no idea anything was coming today!
  3. β€’
    Look who it's from!
    My Mary Kate!
6 more...
I thought we'd reflect on just how special some of my birthdays have been on the eve of my big day. Bear with me, I am doing this without drafts, and I am so scared I'll have typos. πŸ˜”
  1. β€’
    My 4th Birthday, my first one in Austin, Texas. McDonalds party
    My cousins and ballet friends were there, and my aunt and uncle from Nashville flew in to visit too!
  2. β€’
    No pictures for these next few...
  3. β€’
    5th birthday, Minnie Mouse theme at Chuck E. Cheese
17 more...