Inspired by @trev_scott
  1. β€’
    Be male
    I don't mean to be so hetero about this, but that's just the way it is. Also, the less blonde and blue eyed you are, the better. I'm not really about that life.
  2. β€’
    Know more than 3 senators names, living senators.
  3. β€’
    Have solid proof you did not vote for Trump.
  4. β€’
    Do not have the name of my father or uncle. Because that would make like 4 James' and 3 Brians at every Christmas gathering.
  5. β€’
    Have an HBO go password so I can stop using my cousins.
    I'll give you my hulu and amazon prime passwords.
  6. β€’
    I'm not going to laugh if your joke isn't funny. You can do the same. But I am hilarious.
  7. β€’
    Know what I mean when I say "I'm such a Kelly Kapoor"
  8. β€’
    Never ever ever order my mother-effing meal for me unless I am paralyzed and mute and my mom isn't around to order it.
  9. β€’
    If you have a man bun, I will need full permission to french braid it in the privacy of my or your own home, as desired.
  10. β€’
    Be totally cool with just cuddling. I've been out of the game for 6+ years.
  11. β€’
    So it may be a while before we have full peen a vageen
  12. β€’
    Oh, feel free to look like Blake Griffin.
    Gingers have souls!
  13. β€’
    Also, be a nice person who understands that we are teammates and no one should try to "win"
    I'm your equal. Even if I make .68 cents for your dollar. I'm the one who makes humans, so I think we're a team okay.
  14. β€’
    Hold hands with me. They are the perfect size for a partner.