You'll be SHOCKED! @lexie_elyse
  1. April 👎🏽
    Solely because Lexington wants me to like it, and I refuse! Also it rains, and Hitler was born in this month. Plus it's like so lame. What even is April? It doesn't have enough days. No one would notice if we "Brexit'd" April.
  2. November 😰
    Don't give a fudge about this month. I suppose I like the weather. But I hate seeing step monster on Turkey Day and being poisoned with her dairy-laden meals. Plus Black Friday has a racist name (joking, but totally not) and makes my sister spend Turkey day standing in line for a BluRay Player or something she doesn't need.
  3. September🎃
    Pumpkin Spice BullShiz. I am not a pumpkin person, and it's never cold in Texas yet. It's forcing Autumn on me before its Autumn.
  4. February 😣
    I think the groundhog is a liar. Pathological. Also used to date a VERY handsome man born on groundhog's day and he also had the pathological gene. Too cold and Valentine's has never meant a thing for this Nun.
  5. July🇺🇸
    I'm Kaepernick on USA right now. Just not feeling crazy patriotic. July is so hot, my mortal enemy shares a birthday with my favorite cousin. I feel so conflicted. Plus I hate meat, so BBQ food is always just roasted corn!
  6. January❄️
    I like New Years resolutions, I usually stick to goals I set. But I HATE other people being on diets. So many grouchy folks at work. January should allow booze during the work day because the lack of carbs makes my coworkers horrible humans.
  7. May😎
    I like spelling the word, rarely get that one wrong. My boo @graciagrapes was born in the middle of it. Kids are nice because they are about to be on vacation. Parents are nice because they have a dumb vacation planned. (Dumb because I have never been on vacation)
  8. August😌
    I like when the brats go back to school. The chick fil a moms finally have something else to do during my lunch break. During summer I swear chick fil a MUST offer free childcare with how busy they are. My POTUS' birthday is also this month and I love him.
  9. October🙂
    Dad's birthday and other sister's. Feels like a filler month. Never been a fan. Always have to drive to Austin for Dad's birthday because no other holiday is close enough to count as a birthday visit. Annoying. But good weather.
  10. December🎁
    Mom's Birthday, Christmas, and New Years. Huge fan of Mom, Jesus, and Booze (Water to Wine y'all). Also, gifts are my love language so I give great gifts and I LOVE watching people open them. Not a fan of receiving gifts at all. Usually wish I could skip that part.
  11. June 🍿
    The Olsen twins birthday. Graduation. Father's Day which is an actual optional drive to Austin. Good hot weather before I want to murder the sun. No pressure. Happy month. So many good movies too.
  12. March 😊
    I was born. Spring has sprung. My parents lucked into a perfect child on the 19th day of this month and every year the world can celebrate! Strawberries are so ripe! I was born in a strawberry field during strawberry season. (Field means hospital, and strawberry means normal, right?) It's the best! Never let Lexington tell you otherwise!