😏 Phrases That Make Me Sound Like A Jerk

But I won't stop saying them! I'm a little bit of a jerk.
  1. "I have a photographic memory"
    I don't know why people say this isn't real, because I have it.
  2. "They change color"
    When people ask me what color my eyes are. I actually can't see my own eyes, you know. But you are looking at them. If I say green, and they are gray today, you'll correct me. This is a lose/lose. They legit look different depending on the day.
  3. "I only wear tinted moisturizer and mascara"
    When people ask like what brand of eyeshadow they should get from Sephora or what color eyebrow pencil works best. I am just saying I have no clue.
  4. "I'm allergic to your perfume"
    Whatever filler they put in body spray is like liquid cat dander.
  5. "It's naturally curly"
    What? You asked! No one would put this much effort into curling their hair.
  6. "I don't eat beef, but thank you"
    I live in Texas, this gets me close to blacklisted. Honorable mention: "I don't eat chicken with bones" (it reminds me too much that it just came off an animal.)
  7. "Never had braces"
    When people discuss what age they were when they had them. I'm trying to communicate that my parents were cheap and ignored me, but it sounds like I was born with great teeth. I wasn't, I now need adult braces.
  8. "I'll just have water"
    This is fine for most, but it makes some soda people feel guilty. I only drink water, so I'll always order water.
  9. "My IQ is 141"
    This doesn't come up a lot, but I notice 130s like to brag and I like to hush them. One time my boss was saying guys are smarter than girls, and I wanted him to know that I am smarter than him, IQ wise.
  10. "I was reading in preschool"
    Full disclosure, this has maybe come up twice. I just don't know what 4 year olds like for gifts, because I was a nerdy preschooler. So when I suggest buying a small child a book, people tell me that's a dumb gift. I say "not when I was 4."
  11. "I don't get sunburns"
    This one is weird, because to the naked eye, my skin is that of an Anglo. But that's false. I have only ever had one sunburn, I was outside for 8 hours covered in tanning oil in 110° weather. Besides that, I just get tan. I'm black, with peach skin, the least I can get is a tan!