I was not the correct audience.
  1. Oooh, this is a juicy story.
  2. Someone in my bible study group, skipped bible study to have sex in the church offices.
  3. The male person was 16, the female person 14.
  4. I was only pissed because I wanted to skip class that night and had no clue why they weren't in there.
    The girl returned wearing a different shirt than she arrived in.
  5. After it was discovered, these teens stood in front of the church on Sunday to apologize. Which made me want to vomit, my dad's wife decided in the moment that this is inspiration for an abstinence seminar.
    She grabbed the microphone and announced it like a gosh darn wedding proposal, she was so proud of herself. (😟)
  6. Whatever, have all the seminars you want, I'm 12, and no one has even seen my boobs. So I'll hang back.
  7. Nope. This biatch forced my entire family to attend. My cousins, my sisters. Everyone. I was not the youngest person there.
    Btw, we live in Texas, so we were being given abstinence only education in school.
  8. My step mother, the easiest trick in the game, finds herself qualified to host an abstinence seminar.
  9. I spent an entire Saturday there. I was 12, and had decided YEARS ago that my parents were never going to dictate my (future) sex life.
  10. The ONLY thing I remember is that they said "Every man a woman sleeps with is their husband"
  11. I grabbed pen and paper and wrote to my cousin a hilariously timely quip to that biblical fact.
  12. "If that's true, then [girl who had sex in church] already has like 9 husbands."
    They all laughed. I was a funny 12 year old.
  13. I learned that a lot of the people at my church, mostly my father's spouse, were MASSIVE hypocrites.
    Not to take their advice, ever.
  14. I also learned that the guy who had sex at church NEVER had to feel the same shame as the girl. She had a scarlet letter on her until...well, this happened 18 years ago. So, forever.
    This further solidified my sex-positive feminist viewpoint that shaped me for life.
  15. Public shaming didn't stop her from having sex.
    I know, because she's my step sister. That's your payoff for finishing this story.
  16. Static
  17. TL;DR Abstinence seminars from people who sleep around have no effect other than ruining a sunny Saturday for a 12 year old.
    But hey! I'm celibate now, so it totally worked! Thanks bible!