Things I've Learned On Whole(ish) 30

A running list of my 34 days of following Whole30 95%. I figured four extra days makes it okay to break a rule or two.
  1. Almond meal does not makes tasty breading for chicken strips. No matter how many recipes make it look delicious.
  2. Whole30 is much easier for someone who found out they were allergic to dairy 4 years ago.
    If you can coordinate that, I highly suggest it. Makes it a breeze to give up cheese. Hashtag poetry.
  3. Sweet potatoes come in other colors at some grocery stores, even if I can't find them.
    They make the best oven fries if you cook with a bit of lemon juice and garlic. Tangy and tasty!
  4. Coconut Aminos are a thing.
    Soy sauce substitute that costs triple.
  5. Dates are your sweetener of choice
    Don't be an idiot like me. Pitted means "without pits" it doesn't mean "pits included" 🤦🏽‍♀️
  6. Tea tastes almost exactly the same with and without sugar.
  7. Dark frozen cherries and almond extract aren't allowed. So that's how I chose to cheat.
    They go in my smoothie every morning and frankly, listers, I don't give a damn.
  8. Pesto can be made without parmesan or pine nuts.
    Basil, spinach, walnuts, nutritional yeast, salt, olive oil, and enough garlic to make Twilight books disappear.
  9. I do not have an addiction to sugar.
    I haven't had any cravings. Let's hold that thought until Aunt Flow visits...
  10. Not eating junk makes me wake up in a good mood
  11. Friday nights are so boring without the promise of pizza.
  12. Friday nights are so boring without wine
  13. Brussel sprouts are delicious, but they make me a lil sick
    An entire Saturday (of having a social life) was lost due to a brussel overload stomach ache. I ate them three days in a row. Unfortunately, I'll need to eat them in moderation from now on. They never gave me tummy aches before because I never eat them more than twice a month.
  14. It's so expensive to eat like this that I can and will cry over burnt sweet potatoes.
    I can't go to the store again! I refuse!
  15. One single person can create enough dirty dishes to run the dishwasher EVRY SINGLE DAY on this GD plan.
    That's what happens when you have to make homemade everything, sauce, salad dressing, marinades, salt, pepper, plates, paper towels. #Delusional
  16. Bruschetta chicken is amazeballs
    May be my lunch every remaining day in June @bsizzle33, you want the recipe?
  17. Breading chicken with tapioca starch looks and feels exactly like corn starch. But when it gets warm, it starts to turn into a glue.
    Eventually it crisps, but there is a definite glue stage I was ill prepared for!
  18. This is the Bruschetta Chicken Recipe @jhope71
    http://whitneybond.com/bruschetta-grilled-chicken-zoodle-bowls/ You can sauté in a bit of olive oil or bake in the oven of you have no grill.
  19. There are 2 non-food related reasons that you lose weight on Whole 30.
  20. 1) You will go to the grocery store every other day regardless of how well you planned your meals and shopping trips.
    Walking around the store burns calories!
  21. 2) Washing dishes literally never ends. You can't even leave the kitchen messy because you only have one zoodler and veggie peeler.
    Washing the kitchen burns calories! Repeat three times daily, no seriously. Even if you eat lunch at work, you will clean the god-forsaken kitchen 3 times every day MINIMUM. (Yes, I know I mentioned dishes twice and I'm not even on day 10!)
  22. My job is purposely sabotaging my life.
    I am the one who orders food. I got fruit, eggs and bacon for everyone for breakfast. The rest of this nonsense was added by my office manager who quite obviously is going to kill us and eat us soon.
  23. Edit: There are 3 non food related reasons you lose weight on Whole30
  24. 3) You burn a ton of calories when you sell your body into prostitution to afford compliant food.
    Feckin broke y'all! Chomping on ice until payday is still following the diet. 🙃
  25. When my knee goes out, I can't cook. I am not going to be able to stick to the diet until I can stand up longer than one minute.
    (What is this gif?) Hopefully that'll be tomorrow. Sunday at the latest. My knee does this sometimes. All I can do is lie down on my side and try not to cry.
  26. If a recipe for Orange chicken says 20 minutes, it will take 2 hours and 20 minutes.
    My back almost gave out from how long I was standing today while dealing with epic PMS. I never cut any orange segments, I never garnished, it was served with green beans instead of cauliflower rice. I started at 5:30 and ate at 8pm. My entire evening was spent in my stupid kitchen. I am so annoyed with Whole30
  27. Your period may come SUPER LATE.
    For some reason, this diet is known to balance your hormones. It's fine when you know you can't be pregnant unless God has placed baby Jesus in your womb. I am currently 8 days late. I had all my PMS symptoms and nothing ever came of it. Quite odd. I'm not a person who ever is off schedule. I told @bsizzle33 this is her witchcraft because she is the one who got me on this eating plan.
  28. It's technically over today.
    I wanted to go and get the new ice cream at Baskin Robbins to celebrate. Then I remembered I'm still allergic to milk. I am continuing Whole30 this entire week except I am adding wine back in. When I get back from my mini-vacation on the 17th, I'm starting a second Whole30 challenge. Strict. No wine, no whining. Paper plates and lots of salads to simplify cooking. Hopefully this time my knee and back won't both go out.