Things My Mom Says...

With the corresponding translation
  1. โ€ข
    "Ain't been too long got home"
    She is telling me, "I haven't been home long enough to have completed the task you are requesting."๐Ÿ•–
  2. โ€ข
    "Scoot Up"
    This is what she says when I drive slower than she prefers. She wants me to accelerate, but instead of "speed up" like most human people, she wants me to scoot up and continue scooting up. Until I drive faster. ๐Ÿš™
  3. โ€ข
    "Right Quick"
    She thinks this means something will happen "quickly" but it always is a lie. She just wants to step into Target "right quick" before we grab lunch. In this case, we will be in Target forever and starve.๐ŸŽฏ
  4. โ€ข
    "It's a straight shot"
    This is how my mother gives directions to every location from every location. It indicates nothing. You would be incorrect to assume that the route will be nearby or have limited turns. It just means you can get there.ใ€ฐโžฐโž–๐Ÿ”ƒ
  5. โ€ข
    "And dem"
    This could mean any amount of people, and she will never specify how many. Typical sentence: "The twins and dem are coming over on Christmas Eve." Okay, but that tells me almost nothing. The twins don't have husbands and kids, so there is no set "unit" attached to each one. I need to know how many wine glasses to wash!๐Ÿ‘จโ€๐Ÿ‘ฉโ€๐Ÿ‘งโ€๐Ÿ‘ง
  6. โ€ข
    "It assists with my sleep" *slurred*
    My mom often forgets that she is sleepy once she has taken any of her sleeping meds. She gets up and makes a cup of sleepytime tea and tries to hang out with us well past her bed time. She convinces herself that she's wide awake, when she is very sleepy. We ask why she is drinking sleepy tea and every time, she says "it assists with my sleep" in the most slurred speech ever. It's hilarious! She needs NO assistance!โ˜•๏ธ
  7. โ€ข
    "Calm yourself"
    This is self explanatory, but usually she's the one who needs to calm down. She just made a ranch dressing joke and I was like "I don't eat it that much" her reply? "Calm yourself" She's a passive personality. ๐Ÿ™…๐Ÿฝ
  8. โ€ข
    "I really didn't buy that much this year!"
    This means, and will FOREVER mean, I bought every single person I know a Christmas gift or 30. I got a couple on sale, so it counts as not buying much. (I will try and find a photo of the Christmas where I was on the couch covered in gifts. You can't even see me in the picture. I was 5.)๐ŸŽ
  9. โ€ข
    "It's for the adopt-a-family"
    Mom found a workaround for overbuying gifts. Because we stopped being small kids and really didn't want her to buy us stuff each year. She started hosting toy drives at work and buying so many gifts. She starts shopping in September. It's why I only like giving gifts, not receiving them.๐Ÿ™„
  10. โ€ข
    *inaudible laughter followed by coughing/choking*
    Something changed when my mom became an empty-nester, and she just laughs so easily when we come in town to visit. Homegirl starts laughing at dumb stuff, and then it snowballs, then she laughs with no sound, then coughing or choking... Then tears ๐Ÿ˜‚ It's quite a sight to see! My personal fave.
  11. โ€ข
    At least she's cute!
  12. โ€ข
    One good quick weekend in Austin, lots of QT with Ma! ๐Ÿ˜˜