Today Makes One Year

December 18th, a day I think I'll like a lot in coming years.
  1. Last year, my ambien was going to run out on the 18th.
  2. My doctor didn't care that I wanted off of it, she refilled it any time I asked.
  3. Since I was addicted, obviously I asked.
  4. In 2015, I did not go a single day without two ambien before bed.
  5. Until December 10th
  6. I decided to take one pill a night for 8 days. Then not request a refill.
  7. My work was remodeling the office, so we were all working from home the second half of December.
    Kind of a perfect storm. Because I could look a hot mess with zero sleep and keep my job.
  8. Amy Poehler and Tina Fey strangely got me through the worst of the first days.
  9. Their movie "Sisters" came out Friday, December 18th.
    I saw it Friday night alone, and then Saturday with a friend.
  10. They hosted SNL on December 19th
    I was able to ignore the anxiety of no sleep during the main hours I would normally stress.
  11. I saw Sisters 4 times. I just really needed the distraction.
  12. December 18 through January 3, I slept less than 2 hours each night.
    With benadryl, melatonin and magnesium. Nyquil if I had it in the house.
  13. My legs were giving out on me almost every day.
    OTC sleeping meds give me restless legs and when I can't sleep after taking them, apparently I have shaky weak legs all day.
  14. I was miserable. I was so sad. Scared
  15. My support system was basically no one. They all wanted me off of ambien, but they didn't care to help.
  16. I would just lay in the bed for 5 hours with butterflies in my stomach.
  17. Twiggy was not a fan of how much I got up during the night.
  18. I did it alone. I never even told my dad because he thought I could just stop taking them and start sleeping again.
    My sister spilled the beans and I'm sure they discussed how simple it is to stop taking medicine because they don't understand me at all.
  19. I didn't sleep more than 3 hours until April 27th. That was the day I found a sleep doctor that did not want me addicted to anything.
  20. He put me on a low dose of amitriptyline, which is a pain medicine for nerve damage. But for me, it keeps the butterflies in my stomach from fluttering.
  21. Something about making a change in your life, really affects your inner circle.
  22. I pulled away from everyone. I realized the only person I can depend on is me.
    I could have died. I had so many dangerous ambien experiences. But mostly it was cooking and almost starting fires, or the one time I drove to pick up my friend after I took an ambien.
  23. My insomnia wasn't in my head.
    It's painful to not sleep. But I was comforted to know I really was a textbook chronic insomniac. Not just a phony.
  24. I've gone a year without an addiction. One full year.
    I have an addictive personality and love to self destruct. This is huge.
  25. Remember when Ryan the Temp said, "I don't want to have a thing. I don't want to be the something guy."
    I was the ambien girl. I was more ambien than Boogie. That was my thing.
  26. It's so weird when your "thing" is gone and you have to find your new thing.
    Just imagine Stanley without crosswords.
  27. Also, it's Christina Aguilera's birthday.
    Along with @kaelliope (I'll never forget your birthday now!)