REASONS WHY THE WAR ON CHRISTMAS IS A REAL THING
- •Jenny won't return my calls and is ignoring my Facebook pokes.
- •Baby Jesus has yet to replace that mermaid on the Starbucks cups.
- •Still no Kanye Christmas album.
- •Mall parking merely aggravating, not soul crushing.
- •No one will publish our Truman Capote Christmas Memory fan fiction. It's good, we promise!
- •Aunt Sally always gives me socks. SOCKS!
- •Fruit cakes.