Crimes Against Food

  1. 1.
    The Brioche Burger Bun
    God is against this. Why? Because He knows that the role of the bun is to absorb grease, not add it. In His infinite wisdom, He knows that the structural integrity of the brioche is inadequate to the task of delivering the meat efficiently. Simply put; it crumbles to shit. Also, it's French.
  2. 2.
    The Third Slice of Bread in a Club Sandwich
    Who invented that middle slice? Answer: enemies of freedom. Their mission? To sap our will to live after tectonic slide ruins our sandwich experience.
  3. 3.
    The Corn Dog
    The only sentient creatures who should have to choke down these pointless, leathery abominations are Presidential candidates at state fairs. Thins the herd.
  4. 4.
    Truffle Oil
    It's not truffles. It's not food. It's lube.