Things I Would Do if I Had a Time Machine

  1. 1.
    Feed hot dogs and bacon to Baby Hitler.
  2. 2.
    Date Blu Cantrell.
  3. 3.
    Warn my 11-year old self before he shits himself on the Ferris wheel at the county fair.
  4. 4.
    Go to 1985 and act like I'm freestyling Jay-Z's "HOVA" in a Brooklyn subway station.
  5. 5.
    Warn my 29-year old self before he gets drunk and shits himself on the Ferris wheel at the county fair.