If I Was Drunk...

I don't drink but this is what I imagine it becoming. Probably.
  1. I'd make out with this lamp.
    A shapely PYT.
  2. I'd admit things about strangers.
    Something childishly honest, like "You have a big nose!"
  3. I'd hiccup more than talk.
    Goal-den sigh-dur... HICCUP!
  4. I'd sing Foreigner's "Double Vision."
    I always come complete with a timely reference!
  5. I'd choose "flight" over "fight."
    I'm half sane to realize that I don't want people to see me capsized.
  6. I'd insult people in creative ways.
    Are you a mermaid, man? (Says to an amputee).
  7. I'd wet myself.
    There's the barstool (toilet).
  8. I'd convince myself to walk home.
    At least I have some sense left.
  9. I'd yell out "Poison!" at every drink I saw.
    A healthy liver will help you flitter!
  10. I'd sleep on the dance floor... standing up.
    I call this move, The Nap! 😴