Most Seinfeldian Moments From My Life
- •Bar Mitzvah CrashingAt a hotel for another party, me & my friends saw a bunch of Tweens wearing plastic baseball batting helmets with "Eli's Bar Mitzvah" and the date on it. We snuck in, signed the portrait, snagged helmets and wore them for months.
- •Chicken CadillacWhen you're driving in Dallas with friends (for the Cotton Bowl in 1986) and see a Cadillac with a rooster on the roof parked in front of a strip club, you HAVE to stop and take that photo. Notice the sign for the club in the back.
- •The Career DiscussionOne afternoon, senior year of college, laying on the couch, with my girlfriend (who would become my wife). Me: I could be a banker maybe. Her: You'd be miserable. Me: maybe I could take over the family tax business. Her: you're terrible and math and dropped accounting. This went on for a while. So Seinfeld
- •Cable PiracyWhen we moved to Texas we couldn't afford cable TV. My neighbor Rusty found out and somehow connected my house to it. When I told him I was a seminary student and didn't like the idea of stealing, he said, "You can't get caught. When they fired me from Comcast, I took their filters and they only check by a gadget that detects Radio Shack filters...it's my gift to you." We couldn't fight him on it.
- •Devils BowlAgain, Rusty next door. He invites me to go with him and his wife to the dirt track races at the Devils Bowl speedway in Mesquite. "It's Mesquite night. You get in free with proof of Mesquite residency." Politely I told him I'd go inside to ask my wife. We're not at all the type of people who would do the races. When I came out and told him we weren't going he said, "I don't want to offend you, but your wife don't seem like the type who'd like racing." "That doesn't offend me at all, Rusty."
- •Hail DamageLast Rusty story: after heavy storms one spring night, we had small hail but nothing that did any damage at all to our cars. The next day, I see Rusty outside. He's got a golf ball in a sock, lobbing it up about 10 feet and letting it land on various spots of his truck's body. After I asked him what he was doing, he says, "Well, my truck needs a new paint job and to claim it on my insurance so they'll pay, I need to help Mother Nature out a little bit."