The Presidential Candidates, Ranked by How Fun They Would Be to Be in a Mosh Pit With

  1. Bernie Sanders...he seems pretty fiesty and really mad about how things are.
  2. Donald Trump...because he's a poser and posers are always fun to push around in a mosh pit because they can't really dish it out.
  3. Chris Christie...us little guys always need a big guy as back up.
  4. Carly Fiorina...there's always a scrappy girl in the mix who can hold her own and Texas women fit the bill.
  5. Rand Paul...there's always a guy who goes to the club & doesn't mosh, and afterward goes on philosophic rants about the government. They don't really act on the beliefs (not even to mosh) but somehow they're important to the group.