18 LIES WE ALL TELL ON A REGULAR BASIS
You didn’t frickin’ read all of those terms and conditions.
- •You answer “How are you?” with “I’m fine.”NOBODY IS EVER JUST “FINE.”
- •You never really have plans.
- •You routinely click “Remind Me Tomorrow” for software updates when you know damn well that you’re just gonna click it again tomorrow.
- •When someone offers you food, you say no, despite the fact that you think about savoring it for the next eight hours.
- •You ask your friends to take “candid” photos for Instagram, which subsequently makes them the opposite of candid.
- •You pretend to be a fan of things everybody else likes.
- •And you answer the classic “Have you heard of…” question with “yes” even if you have no fucking clue.
- •You pretend not to know facts about a person that you 100% know from stalking their social media.“Oh, I had no idea!”
- •You politely give people the compliments they’re fishing for, even when you don’t mean them.
- •And you say “Let’s keep in touch” to people you intend to never see again.
- •You always say you’re on your way before you’re actually on your way.
- •You tell yourself you don’t need to write something down, because you’ll DEFINITELY remember it later.Later: “WHAT WAS THAT THING I WAS SUPPOSED TO REMEMBER???”
- •You say you’re going to sleep but proceed to watch Netflix for four hours.
- •You tell your dentist that you floss.You don’t fuggin’ floss.
- •You text “I’M SCREAMING.”
- •You say “I’m broke” and proceed to go out every weekend night.
- •Or you claim that you’ll only have one drink.“I don’t wanna get drunk.”
- •And of course, NOT ONCE have you actually read the terms and conditions.BECAUSE YOU’RE A DIRTY FRIGGIN’ LIAR.