Besides "I was thinking about someone smoking pot and became frozen with terror"
  1. “Um… I was too busy looking like if a lawn ornament could somehow be stricken with progeria.”
    Screen shot 2017 03 09 at 5.19.35 pm
  2. “I, uh, I was preoccupied with being the answer to the question, ‘What if The Curious Case of Benjamin Button had been written by Ayn Rand?'”
    Screen shot 2017 03 09 at 5.20.06 pm
  3. “Uh, well, I was too focused on looking like if Judge Smails from Caddyshack fucked that dipshit claymation elf dentist from Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer.“
    Screen shot 2017 03 09 at 5.20.24 pm
  4. “I was kind of tied up, y’know, what with being the whole reason KKK uniforms have hoods.”
    Screen shot 2017 03 09 at 5.20.51 pm
  5. “I didn’t have time, I had to look like a premature baby that was incubated inside the Ark of their Covenant.”
    Static