5 Ways Jeff Sessions Could Excuse His Contacts With Russia
Besides "I was thinking about someone smoking pot and became frozen with terror"
- •“Um… I was too busy looking like if a lawn ornament could somehow be stricken with progeria.”
- •“I, uh, I was preoccupied with being the answer to the question, ‘What if The Curious Case of Benjamin Button had been written by Ayn Rand?'”
- •“Uh, well, I was too focused on looking like if Judge Smails from Caddyshack fucked that dipshit claymation elf dentist from Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer.“
- •“I was kind of tied up, y’know, what with being the whole reason KKK uniforms have hoods.”
- •“I didn’t have time, I had to look like a premature baby that was incubated inside the Ark of their Covenant.”