6 Ways The Golden State Warriors Could Hit President Trump In The Balls At Their White House Visit
Assuming they don't choke in the Finals again, here's how their best-known figures can take the high road by hitting the president in the nuts.
- •Steve Kerr, Head CoachThe game plan for Kerr: Look Trump square in the eye, deliver an impassioned defense of inclusiveness and equality, and then step forward and slyly knee the president in the groin. Kerr is so smooth that the Secret Service probably wouldn’t even notice, and even if they did, they would never suspect the rich white guy.
- •Kevin Durant, Forwardngspan could come in handy. The game plan for Durant: Slowly and surreptitiously approach the president from behind, use his tremendous length to reach around and deliver an unexpected crotch shot, then celebrate by tapping his fist to his chest twice and pointing to the sky. This move would come naturally to Kevin because he is the master of catching people off guard (just ask his scorned and former Oklahoma City Thunder teammates).
- •Klay Thompson, GuardThe game plan for Thompson: Utilize his long-distance marksmanship to nail the President’s junk with a miniature Nerf basketball from 35 feet away. If Klay is able to pull this one off, there is certain to be a lot of talk about it in the locker room later.
- •Zaza Pachulia, CenterThe game plan for Pachulia: We’ll have to think about this one a bit more. Perhaps the Warriors will be able to sneak him in by pretending he is from the state of Georgia, which is a Trump state after all, or perhaps the country of Georgia’s position as a former Soviet state will be sufficient to allow access? If all else fails, Zaza might just have to pony up the 200 grand for a membership at Mar-a-Lago so he can enjoy golfing, fine dining, and unfettered access to the President’s nuts.
- •Steph Curry, GuardThe game plan for Curry: Bring a basketball along to the White House. When it’s his turn to greet POTUS, put on a dribbling display. The president will be so delighted he probably won’t even notice that the ball suddenly bouncing into his man parts didn’t get there by accident. “Oops.“
- •Draymond Green, ForwardThe game plan for Green: Just be yourself. He has hit people in the nuts in so many ways, there is no one better prepared for this particular moment in history. And while we certainly wouldn’t dare to tell a master craftsman how to do his business, we suggest that he punctuate his trademark finishing move with an impassioned cry of “Viva la resistance!” You know, just to get the point across.