9 WAYS OBAMA'S NEW SUPREME COURT NOMINEE CAN GET CONFIRMED

According to constitutional scholars, Judge Merrick Garland is eminently qualified to be on the Supreme Court. But Senate Republicans have vowed not to consider his nomination. Here are 9 things he must do to change GOP senators' minds.
  1. When asked about his judicial philosophy, reply: “All I know is Cliven Bundy is innocent and Trayvon Martin had it coming.”
  2. "Open carry" around Capitol Hill.
  3. Pull his daughter out of Cambridge Graduate School to homeschool her and save up for her dowry.
  4. Announce he wants to start going by the nickname “Nino.”
  5. Present vision of an all-Benghazi 2017 Supreme Court calendar.
  6. Film a commercial with Peyton Manning. Republicans love Peyton Manning.
  7. Tweet to Judiciary Chairman and noted Twitter Tourette’s case @ChuckGrassley: “want u2 kno i wanna b n SCOTUS, wld b so gr8!!”
  8. Pay a Ronald Reagan impersonator to wear a white bedsheet and “haunt” Sen. Jim Inhofe’s house until he votes yes.
  9. Call Ted Cruz “Mr. President” during hearings.