CANDIDATE KEYS TO WINNING TONIGHT'S DEBATE

  1. Hillary
    Not fall for Trump's brilliant mind games of being a rambling insane person
  2. Trump
    Try to come across as a normal person for ninety minutes without alarming 55% of the nations population.
  3. Hillary
    Be prepared to answer the damning evidence in the Wikileaks emails such as...uh...Benghazi?
  4. Trump
    Avoid groping on stage.
  5. Hillary
    Be prepared to debunk and defuse both Clinton animus and conspiracy theories with a debate moderator brought in from Fox News.
  6. Trump
    You're not going to be president so just go out there and have some fun.
  7. Trump
    Avoid sniffing like a cokehead as your supporting base prefers cheaper, less elitist drugs.