CARL DIGGLER'S PRIMARY PICKS
Veteran @CAFE pundit puts his 24-for-24 streak on the line as he calls tonight's contests. Cowardly Nate Silver, meanwhile, is nowhere to be found. Below is Carl's attempt to go 30-for-30 as the race ends, hopefully earning his own "30 for 30" episode in the process.
- •CALIFORNIA—Bernie SandersYes, Carl is taking the underdog here. While he fears for the safety of "innocent Democratic National Committee Chairpersons" Diggler thinks Sanders' supporters "want it more."
- •NEW JERSEY-Hillary Clinton"Eyy T, grab the gabagool! We're gonna whack Bernie in the freakin' voter booth!" Writes Carl Diggler. Cafe does not endorse this depiction of Italian Americans. He's been on a Soprano's kick.
- •NEW MEXICO—Hillary Clinton"Victory here is as out of reach for Bernie as a pizza on the roof," writes Carl, referring to "Breaking Bad." Carl has had a lot of free time lately, since breaking up with his Tunblr girlfriend "Trash Kween" earlier this year.
- •SOUTH DAKOTA-Bernie SandersCarl predicts the saloon vote to turn out heavily for Bernie.
- •NORTH DAKOTA—Bernie SandersCarl predicts the "misogynistic strip clubs favored by Bernie supporters" will be instrumental in winning this state.
- •MONTANA—Bernie SandersMontana citizens are opposed to nanny-state governments that keep them from drinking silver, which could hurt Hillary here.