Cafe is going to give you some tips and tricks for how to flourish in a post Trump world. Economics as satire—not liable for your bankrupt ass.
  1. BUY: Russian property
    Static
    With Trump and Putin as BFFs, nows the time to buy: especially as global warming makes Russia into a agricultural powerhouse with a mild climate.
  2. BUY: Motorcycles
    Static
    Trump voters love dangerous, shitty, masculine things that might kill them. Invest now! Profit later.
  3. BUY: Schemes for rubes
    Static
    People are idiots. Trump is still milking rubes—shouldn't you? Get that sweet, sweet idiot cash.
  4. SELL: tech stocks
    Static
    With sanctions against foreign countries, many moving parts could get screwed up. Plus: maybe we're simply too dumb to work complex systems. So...
  5. SELL: your web series
    Static
    Stop investing time in it. Nobody has the patience to humor you anymore. We have real problems now.
  6. HOLD: Your children close
    Static
    It's a scary time. Also: children organs prices are still uncertain. Hold them close.