Congress refused to hold a hearing for Merrick Garland Obama's SCOTUS pick. Here are some possible ways Merrick Garland has been spending his free time.
  1. Studying post-apocalyptic law in case of a President Trump appointment in early 2017
  2. Texting Obama every week with some version of "...?"
  3. Cheering self up by wearing a replica robe around the house.
  4. Updating his resume for the Associate Manager position at the Georgetown "Dave and Busters."
  5. Getting really into prog rock, again.
  6. Brainstorming wildly offensive things he could say to get some sliver of the news cycle back.
  7. Quietly reminding himself he is still the most prominent man named "Merrick" in history.
  8. Emailing David French's wife.
  9. Belligerently crashing Mock Trial events hoping to be recognized.
  10. Quietly seething that a partisan turtle-man has ruined his life-long dream.