SO, WHAT'S MERRICK GARLAND UP TO?
Congress refused to hold a hearing for Merrick Garland Obama's SCOTUS pick. Here are some possible ways Merrick Garland has been spending his free time.
- •Studying post-apocalyptic law in case of a President Trump appointment in early 2017
- •Texting Obama every week with some version of "...?"
- •Cheering self up by wearing a replica robe around the house.
- •Updating his resume for the Associate Manager position at the Georgetown "Dave and Busters."
- •Getting really into prog rock, again.
- •Brainstorming wildly offensive things he could say to get some sliver of the news cycle back.
- •Quietly reminding himself he is still the most prominent man named "Merrick" in history.
- •Emailing David French's wife.
- •Belligerently crashing Mock Trial events hoping to be recognized.
- •Quietly seething that a partisan turtle-man has ruined his life-long dream.