SOME OF YOUR THIRD PARTY OPTIONS

Unhappy with the Democratic and Republican nominees? Here are your alternatives.
  1. The Green Party, Dr.Jill Stein
    If you're looking for the candidate that says "I'm 19 and I have OPINIONS online" Jill Stein is the candidate for you. She's running on the platform of common-sense social liberalism and her policy abroad is...peace. Woah. Still, Dr.Jill Stein may come as a breath of fresh air when the Democratic nominee is far more hawkish than many would like and for those who forget exactly how George W Bush was elected.
  2. Libertarian Party, Gary Johnson
    If you're looking for the candidate who says "I have WAY more opinions online" see Gary Johnson. Gary Johnson is running on the idea of individual liberty and that the government should not be tyrannical. That sort of careful paranoia looks real good in the Trump era.
  3. Constitution Party, Frank Fluckiger
    This Conservative party seeks to balance a religious Christian message with a constitution based approach to government that HIS NAME IS FLUCKIGER. FOR REAL.
  4. The Pirate Party, Joseph Klein
    This party is based on "hacker ethics" and other insufferable gibberish.