TIPS FOR RUNNING THE BOSTON MARATHON

The Boston Marathon is a wonderful tradition celebrating the Bostonians' annual attempt to escape Boston. Join Cafe as we help guide you through the world's most famous race.
  1. 1.
    Psych yourself up before the race by remembering all the great Boston Marathon winners throughout the years. Now: picture them in their underwear. Not so nervous now, are you?
  2. 2.
    Be confident! You've been carb loading for the past twenty years. How hard could the running part be?
  3. 3.
    Remember: cheating in the Boston Marathon is a despicable crime, punishable by mockery, spite, and a Ben Affleck film in late 2028.
  4. 4.
    Paperwork can be a drag! Make sure you paid your registration fee directly to Cafe.com, PO Box 104-21, New York, New York!
    $180 for US Residents, $240 for International Runners. Unmarked bills, please!
  5. 5.
    Be sure to draw inspiration from the crowd of day-drinking college students here to support the AePi runners!!!!
    Don't drink those cups. They aren't water, bro.
  6. 6.
    Avoid the crowds this year by running on a treadmill.
    All the perks of labor, none of the pressure of being a part of something larger than yourself.
  7. 7.
    The marathon can be mentally grueling, with repetitive, senseless pain continuing ceaselessly for what feels like decades. Practice like a local by watching the Red Sox from 1919-2003.
  8. 8.
    Remember: it will all be worth it to put this sticker on your car.
    Everyone will respect you now.