TIPS FOR RUNNING THE BOSTON MARATHON
The Boston Marathon is a wonderful tradition celebrating the Bostonians' annual attempt to escape Boston. Join Cafe as we help guide you through the world's most famous race.
- 1.Psych yourself up before the race by remembering all the great Boston Marathon winners throughout the years. Now: picture them in their underwear. Not so nervous now, are you?
- 2.Be confident! You've been carb loading for the past twenty years. How hard could the running part be?
- 3.Remember: cheating in the Boston Marathon is a despicable crime, punishable by mockery, spite, and a Ben Affleck film in late 2028.
- 4.Paperwork can be a drag! Make sure you paid your registration fee directly to Cafe.com, PO Box 104-21, New York, New York!$180 for US Residents, $240 for International Runners. Unmarked bills, please!
- 5.Be sure to draw inspiration from the crowd of day-drinking college students here to support the AePi runners!!!!Don't drink those cups. They aren't water, bro.
- 6.Avoid the crowds this year by running on a treadmill.All the perks of labor, none of the pressure of being a part of something larger than yourself.
- 7.The marathon can be mentally grueling, with repetitive, senseless pain continuing ceaselessly for what feels like decades. Practice like a local by watching the Red Sox from 1919-2003.
- 8.Remember: it will all be worth it to put this sticker on your car.Everyone will respect you now.