WHAT KIND OF DIRT MIGHT DONALD TRUMP HAVE ON HEIDI CRUZ?

Billionaire Twitter user Donald Trump continues to threaten to “spill the beans” on Ted Cruz’s wife Heidi, a Goldman Sachs wealth manager. What dirt might Trump have on the Texas Senator’s wife? Nobody’s sure, but here are our best guesses:
  1. 1.
    Doesn’t wear a gold-marble-and-endangered-rhino-horn bikini as well as Melania does.
  2. 2.
    Auditioned for The Apprentice in 2010. Very embarrassing tape.
  3. 3.
    Taught econ for a semester at Trump University.
  4. 4.
    Despite Goldman Sachs job, keeps all her money in twenty-dollar bills stuffed under a mattress.
  5. 5.
    Met Trump as a groupie in 1987 - asked him to autograph her tits and a hardcover copy of The Art of the Deal.
  6. 6.
    Once chewed her way out of a metal leg shackle in a holding cell.
  7. 7.
    Believed Ted wrote Green Eggs & Ham for the first six years of their marriage.