IF I WAS MOTHER GOOSE

  1. "Humpty dumpty sat on a wall, humpty dumpty judged pedestrians..."
    ...preferably at an airport.
  2. "Jack be nimble, jack be quick, and jack walk around the candlestick..."
    Street smarts.
  3. "Baa baa African-American sheep have you any wool..."
    My political correctness is socially awkward.
  4. "Hey diddle diddle the cat and the fiddle the cow walked to the butcher and made 100 million double doubles animal style."
    Fact: Cows and white men can't jump.
  5. "Rock a bye baby in the treetop, when the wind blows the cradle will rock, when the bough breaks the cradle will fall, and the poor abused baby will be saved by an off-duty police officer."
    Mother Goose SMH.
  6. "Yeezy and Kim went up the hill, to fetch a pail of water, Yeezus fell down and broke his crown and Kim came tumbling after."
    No comment.
  7. "This little pig worked for precinct 75, this little pig made extra greenbacks on the side, this little pig got investigated by the FBI, this little pig said, "Wee, wee, wee all the way to the pen".
    To protect and serve.
  8. LIL' MISS MUFFET Little Miss Muffet sat on a tuffet, Eating her kale and whey; Along came a hipster, Who sat down beside her, And frightened Miss Muffet away.
    Suggested by   @BROWNIE
  9. Georgie Porgy pudding and pie. Kissed the girls and said "got snapchat?"
    Suggested by   @catherinev94
  10. Free blind mice, Free blind mice, See how they run, See how they run, The Iowa caucus is coming soon, November? I may not make it to June, I laugh and I cry when i sing this tune, Free blind mice.
    Suggested by   @bdot