ACTUAL PLEASURES THAT SHOULD MAKE YOU FEEL GUILTY IF YOU FIND PLEASURE IN THEM

I loathe the phrase "guilty pleasure." We use it to describe food or TV. Snob city. Might as well say, "I'm too good for this thing, but despite my best pretentions, I can't help but like it!" That's the real you liking that thing, dumby! You're grown. Who cares? Here are some things that, if you take pleasure in them, SHOULD make you feel guilty.
  1. Puppy waxing
    Waxing hurts. Don't do it to puppies.
  2. Murder
    Discovery ID makes it seem like everyone has murdered someone, but no! Most people don't murder. If murder is your guilty pleashe, consider quitting or cutting back. Murder is kinda mean.
  3. GIVING candy to babies
    You hear a lot about how easy it would be to take candy from a baby as a metaphor for an easy crime, and it probably wouldn't be that hard to actually take candy from a baby, especially if that baby had scored low on the APGAR test at birth. But if you are going around giving candy TO babies, you're the real criminal. They could choke on it.
  4. Being a White Supremacist
    One person loves watching "Keeping Up with the Kardashians" and the other is the Grand Wizard of the Ku Klux Klan. Which one do you think should feel guilty?
  5. Stealing your neighbor's Bed, Bath & Beyond 20% Off coupons.
    I know, they are not technically addressed to your neighbor, and the mail carrier leaves them half-hanging out of everyone's box just when you need 20% off of more than just one item. Is stealing mail that is only labeled "Occupant" a federal offense? I don't know. I do know it's very Bad, Bath & Beyond.
  6. Devil Sticks
    You're both a lame guy from 1997, AND you're practicing satanic juggling
    Suggested by   @Waz