1. I am very bad at Halloween costumes
  2. I always think I'm pulling something off better than I actually am
  3. The following is a record of just that phenomenon
  4. 2009: Megara from "Hercules"
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    I was a sophomore in college and I remember being scandalized by how low the neckline of that purple dress was. A SEXY costume for Halloween? MOI?!
  5. 2010: Indiana Jones?
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    I was at home for the Rally to Restore Sanity, so at least it was slapdash for a good reason.
  6. 2011: Beaker from "The Muppets"
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    One day I will speak at length about my love for the Muppets, but it is not this day. Beaker is objectively the best, though. It is also worth noting that this was the Halloween that I hooked up with a student dressed as Bill Cosby, officially my Worst Party Decision Ever.
  7. 2013: Shaun from "Shaun of the Dead"
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    If you can find a way to work gallons of fake blood into your Halloween costume, I highly recommend it.
  8. 2014: unfortunate Jurassic Park tour guide
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    Objectively the best costume ever. I will never top this.