INSANE THINGS I HAVE DONE

I'm not proud of these, but I figure I should list them for posterity's sake
  1. Borrowed a shirt from my boyfriend and sprayed it with my perfume before returning so it would smell like me
  2. Ordered a sandwich and peeled off the bread. Then using a fork, I have eaten out the bread innards, leaving the crust-shells so it appeared as though I remained bread-less
  3. Pretended to understand the difference between orzo and barley
    I know people make bread out of one of these?
  4. Justified the purchase of yet another pair of ankle boots by muttering "it's more of a formal boot" at checkout