REASONS MY HIGH SCHOOL SELF WOULD BE DISAPPOINTED IN ME

  1. I have not yet touched the butts of David Duchovny, John Cho, or David Boreanez
    Something tells me I could swing Boreanez if I put my mind to it
  2. I no longer dream of being A Shakespearean Actor
  3. I never found a way to rock that midi-length pleated brown itchy skirt that used to be my mom's
    This is probably for the best
  4. I do not own a typewriter
  5. I have developed a crippling caffeine habit and signs point to me never kicking it
  6. I once got a psychic reading and was honestly upset by what the lady told me
    My Scully-worshipping teenage self would hate this
  7. I don't have a band of intense, artsy friends who climb on tables and sing and put on guerrilla performances and possibly have AIDS
    I was real into "RENT"