REASONS MY HIGH SCHOOL SELF WOULD BE PROUD OF ME

  1. Have carried many heavy things
  2. Can drive without endangering myself and others
  3. I have touched the butts of several attractive males over the course of my adult life... And I like to think that they have touched mine too
  4. Figured out how to make pie
    Consequently, I eat pie every day
  5. Finally realized that writing can actually be a viable career
  6. Have held strong and STILL refuse to watch reality television
  7. Perfected my IDGAF glare to the point where it makes grown-ass men shake in their shoes