1. A Showstopper
    79cea27d b71d 4d89 ab23 d87ffd3dee0f
  2. Tiffany from HR
  3. An estranged family member
  4. An overly familiar boss
  5. Ben Affleck
  6. An evening of procrastination
  7. A can of tuna fish (expired)
  8. Mrs. Arnold, my first grade teacher
  9. A creeping sense of existential doubt
  10. A full handle of Captain Morgan's
  11. Your Sweetie (literally just finished drinking this when I saw your list)
    A1c980a7 2a3c 46d2 a701 e1e15fe365bf
    Suggested by @RachelP
  12. A mooch
    "Hey! Free Coke!"
    Suggested by @evanp
  13. A cokehead. And they're like, "I think there's some kinda miscommunication."
    Suggested by @alissamaynot