9 thoughts I had while watching Captain America: Civil War

  1. 1.
    Captain America
    So good looking it hurts. But you know if you dated him and you two got in a fight, your Mom, your BFF, even the lady at the deli you go to, would side with him and you'd end up dying alone.
  2. 2.
    Hawkeye
    Lookin' pretty good this time around. But he seems really stupid. Nope, not can't fuck stupid.
  3. 3.
    Ironman
    Tony Stark is one sexy beast. But he will always have better eyewear than you and how demeaning is that? Plus, you know he'd eventually get jealous of that night you had a few too many glasses of Pinot and got hands with one of his suits.
  4. 4.
    Winter Soldier
    Bucky and his arms, both metal and non are looking nice! But damn, he's so easily manipulated and has better hair than you. That's just two strikes too many...
  5. 5.
    Ant-Man
    You have a soft spot for ex cons with a heart of gold, it's not your fault. But you can't change him, girl.
  6. 6.
    Spider-Man
    Too young for you.
  7. 7.
    Falcon
    Too boring for you
  8. 8.
    Vision
    Too much makeup for you
  9. 9.
    Black Panther
    Hello! Handsome AF, irresistible accent, has his own Kingdom, aaaaaaand understands the appeal/badassness of big cats. Ding ding, we have a winner. Sexy dream sequence in 3...2...1...