9 thoughts I had while watching Captain America: Civil War
- •Captain AmericaSo good looking it hurts. But you know if you dated him and you two got in a fight, your Mom, your BFF, even the lady at the deli you go to, would side with him and you'd end up dying alone.
- •HawkeyeLookin' pretty good this time around. But he seems really stupid. Nope, not can't fuck stupid.
- •IronmanTony Stark is one sexy beast. But he will always have better eyewear than you and how demeaning is that? Plus, you know he'd eventually get jealous of that night you had a few too many glasses of Pinot and got hands with one of his suits.
- •Winter SoldierBucky and his arms, both metal and non are looking nice! But damn, he's so easily manipulated and has better hair than you. That's just two strikes too many...
- •Ant-ManYou have a soft spot for ex cons with a heart of gold, it's not your fault. But you can't change him, girl.
- •Spider-ManToo young for you.
- •FalconToo boring for you
- •VisionToo much makeup for you
- •Black PantherHello! Handsome AF, irresistible accent, has his own Kingdom, aaaaaaand understands the appeal/badassness of big cats. Ding ding, we have a winner. Sexy dream sequence in 3...2...1...